anal play

luring you in just to cop out :p this article was posted to the men's health blog a couple weeks ago. a few pointers for anal sex

1. no pressure
2. lubricate
3. use condoms
4. go slow

i would say "duuuuuuh", but we know i don't always adhere to my own advice. so this is just a reminder to everyone, myself included. now go play nice

lacking?

so there's been no anal in the last couple months, and i'm starting to feel a little guilty. it's hard to make it a once a month thing when you only see each other once a month. and sometimes during those visits i'm not in the mood, still remembering the ouch or so bloated/gassy i could float away. i never really give J an explanation; i just state clearly that my ass is off limits. do i owe him an explanation? should we discuss this more thoroughly? does it really matter that anal's off the table more often than on? i get the impression that J is disappointed when we don't go there. granted, i told him before it was not an every time thing. that includes all anal penetration. yea, it can be nice, but i really don't want to every single time. partly because he can get carried away and hurt me. he does, however, respond very well to an "ouch". partly because i freak out about sanitation and make him wash his hands immediately after we're done. i don't want him touching anything (me, the sheets, whatever) until he's touched some soap and water. partly because he gets more out of it than i do. yes, i have orgasms from anal stimulation, but not solely from anal and not from the entire anal area. if we go penis in ass, i never feel quite finished. it's kinda the same way i feel about being on top. if i'm at just the right angle, he'll be done in minutes and i won't have even peaked... and now i'm linking things. since the moratorium on anal, J hasn't been on top once. no, doggy doesn't count... i wouldn't care except, before, it used to be almost 50/50

i'm not dissatisfied with our sex life; i'm annoyed. not quite sure what to do with that. feeling guilty about the lack of anal sex is pushing me further towards annoyed. it's self inflicted guilt, but i have a knack for displacing... i guess i'm just curious as to what changed, when and why. cause i'd like my predictability back

[babe, i know you're gonna read this and get all poutyface. we can talk about it; just needed to brain dump]

miles apart

last night, i curled up by myself for the first time in days. J left towards the end of the football game so he could have a few hours at home to do whatever. i miss him and already moping around. i have no one to cuddle with on the couch. to steal kisses from. to wake up in the morning with the promise of breakfast or blow jobs... we had a good week/weekend costume shopping, lunching with my mom and hanging out with more of my favorite people. i just wish it didn't have to end; it always feels abrupt. the distance sucks most when it's time to say good bye

first thought after he left "when's my next free weekend?" second thought "we haven't had sex since friday". party prep kept me busy all of saturday, and some guests stayed over that night. so all sexual activity was put on hold until they left. CZ left last, around noon. well J, as soon as he was done breakfast, turned on the pregame show. his choice :p the NFL trumps a lot in my life. so once the game started, everything else was put on the back burner. make outs are reserved for commercial and injury breaks only. my boys were on a bye, but my next fave team was struggling. if the game hadn't been a nailbiter, i probably would've taken J to bed at halftime. then he left at the 2min warning in the fourth. my guys lost, and my boy left. so much sad in my afternoon

not that no sex is necessarily sad. it was just an interesting observation. when i go up to see him, i usually leave two hours later than intended because we get caught up in something and then have sex. one time i ended up staying an extra night because i was too exhausted and it was already 1am. having to drive to work from another state was not fun. i don't think we ever have last minute goodbye sex when J comes down to my place... regardless, i'm going to spend the next few nights happily breathing in his scent before drifting to sleep. i'm also going to keep in mind all the sex we managed to have in the first half of J's visit (not a ton, but enough)

risky business

sometimes i'm a bit of a hypocrite. i tell everyone i know (in person and on the interwebs) to always use a condom. it's not a 100% guarantee, but it's a hell of a lot better than putting yourself 100% in danger. i always try to keep condoms on hand for when the mood strikes. in my opinion, it's everyone's responsibility to be safe

however, last weekend, we took a risk... J and i went to a concert on saturday. great show; late ass night. by the time we got back, he was an achy grumbly mess. so i suggested he soak in the tub. we got a little distracted, and i overfilled it. oops. no worries though. i cleaned up the spilled water with towels, while he got in. in my tipsy state, i decided to get in with him. romantic, right? sure. if you're in a tub designed for two :p needless to say, i didn't stay at my end for long. we started fooling around, and briefly stopped at that moment

"are you sure?"
"...yes"

so i sat back a little, and he pushed up... twice. the water made everything far too slippery so we hopped out of the tub. he picked me up onto the counter, but i was too high... so we ended up having sex on the bathroom floor, on top of wet towels. he pulled out and came on my stomach. it was quick, dirty and oh so good

i cleaned myself off with tissues, carefully avoiding wiping anything down/in to minimize the efforts of his little swimmers

"this is where i start hating myself. i hate doing it without a condom"

too late, babe. this was the first time we've ever done it without one. this is the first time we've ever done it without one while i'm off the pill. lucky for us, my period started. i started having abdominal discomfort late on sunday, and i had cramps on monday. the cramps seemed to be less centralized so i had a minor freak out that it was a fertilized egg trying to bury itself in my fallopian tube. turns out, it was just my period. hooray?

it's not that i don't want to have children with him; it's just far too early in our relationship. hello, it's only been five months since we first started talking. i'm not making any life changing decisions quite yet. so even though i packed condoms, they didn't make it out of the bag. and i won again at baby roulette. i may not be so lucky next time so we're gonna try to not have a next time without our little latex friends

first for everything

me: "did you do what i think you did?!"
him: "what do you think i did?"
me: "what did you do!?"
him: "i don't know. what do you think i did?"
me: "you know what you did!"
him: "did you like it?"
me: "you did!"



charlotte: "what was that?"
samantha: "a preview"

we're entering new territory, and i'm definitely nervous

first time

[i posted this on an old journal over a year ago. at the time it was extremely difficult putting the experience into words. i've moved beyond this, but it still lives in my heart]

It's been hard thinking about this entry, but I feel obligated to deal with it now. Perhaps after I write this I can truly start to move forward... My first time has secretly been the happiest moment in my entire life. There was no Hollywood-esque glamour; no candle light or Barry White. He simply asked if I wanted to and I said sure. What I remember...

My boyfriend at the time came to pick me up for Thanksgiving break. My roommate had left in the afternoon, but I wasn't leaving until the following morning (ah the 9am kick out). I think we went out for dinner and then headed back so I could pack. I popped in a Disney movie to give me an excuse to ignore my empty bags. Probably mid-movie, we were lying in bed when he asked. I'd been wanting to for months, but it wasn't quite possible with him 3 hours away. The only thing that really concerned me was this would be the first time we'd be completely naked with each other. The whole experience would be a new level of intimacy and naturally I was self-conscious of my body... I remember it wasn't as painful as I'd expected, just this weird pulling (almost burning) sensation. He went slow and kept checking that I was ok. At one point, I thought about stopping, but I thought about the end and decided it would be worth a little discomfort. When we finished, I actually checked the sheets for blood. I was convinced there would be a ton (don't ask me why) but there was absolutely nothing. A few months prior, he'd actually torn my hymen while doing other stuff, but I didn't realize he'd completely broken it. No hymen, no blood, no freaking out about my favorite white sheets.

A little bit later, he asked if I was ok (yep) and then asked if I wanted to do it again (yep). Unfortunately for him, he'd only had one condom. So I sent my poor boy out into the snowy Huntingdon streets to get condoms from Big Sheetz. After 40 minutes I freaked out that he'd driven in to the side of someone's house and called. Apparently, not only did he get lost going to the Sheetz, but he'd driven the wrong way on a one way street coming back. He got back with a mini pack and we joked about me trying to explain to his mom what happened had he not returned safely. We didn't immediately go for it again, but we eventually did it twice more and still had enough energy to watch Beauty and the Beast. By the third time, there wasn't a weird burning feeling and my orgrasm was more intense. I'm sure anyone left on the floor heard me...

The next morning is what makes this... I finished packing (finally) at 2 or 3 am and we somehow managed to both sleep in my dorm bed semicomfortably. I woke up first and took a moment to think about the silly snoring boy next to me. Looking at him, at that exact moment, I absolutely knew I loved him and I would never love him more than I did then. In the very next heartbeat, I knew it was over. Something had changed and we would never work out. But I tucked those feelings away and got ready to leave campus.

Two weeks later, he ended it.

I'm not upset about the way things played out. The end would've happened at some point no matter what I did to stop it. I was lucky enough to have one final special moment before it did. I don't regret a single thing about that night... well maybe sending him out into the snow in the middle of the night... I'm glad my first happened when it happened with someone I cared about and who cared about me. Part of my feelings about it are rooted in my views on sex/sexuality. I make a conscious effort to avoid the cliches of sex because I don't believe in many them. If a person chooses to have intercourse, to me that's all it is. I don't think you're any more or less of a person, and I don't think you're losing a piece of yourself in the act. My virginity was not something I cherished; I didn't hold it close to me or flaunt it around. Yea it was mine, but there was no war or invasion to claim it from me. It was simply something I no longer needed to have in my possession, and I wanted to take the next step in my relationship.

My choice to leave the "V-club" was not hard to make; I know and respect that it's not easy for everyone. My only warning to those who haven't made it, the decision is twofold and both pieces are equally important. The decision to have sex is a huge hurdle to leap, but once you've decided you can make the jump, you have to think about who you can jump. In my opinion, the first time will make or break your sex life. But I also believe that when you embrace your sexual self (and aren't just trying to prove a point), the universe (or higher being of your choice) will hook you up with what you need.

M

welcome to the bedroom

madam* - "a woman of refinement, a woman in charge of an establishment"

mimi* - "a hot chick with long hair and big jugs"

well that's a little right... because this is not the blog of a refined woman in charge of an establishment. i warn you now that i am no lady. i love sex, and i love talking about it. but it's not all getting laid. i love the emotion and intimacy behind sex. i also like discussing sexuality. the goal of this blog is to combine all my favorite taudry (and not so taudry) aspects of sexuality

won't you come to bed?

*definitions from dictionary.com and urbandictionary.com