January 21, 2011

naked time

i spend about 10 minutes a day staring at myself in the mirror. typically, before or after a shower. sometimes both. about half that time is spent naked, staring at my stomach. stretching it. flattening it. from the left. from the right. boobs up. sucking in. attempting to get it as flat as possible. my belly is my problem area. i've been working hard to lose weight, and, yet, the belly remains. taunting me

i guess i should start using the past tense though. because i decided to put an end to this bad habit last week. i need to stop obessing over my midsection. it's a waste of time and a waste of energy

and i'm the only one who cares

when i was at J's, i caught my shadow at just the wrong angle. i then spent the next few minutes playing with my shadow belly. and J was standing across the room. i usually try to keep this shit underwraps. cause these are my insecurities. my soft spots that i really need for no one to poke. J watched me (i don't know how long), and all he said was "yes, baby, you are that sexy". i, of course, gave a "you'll say anything to keep me naked" response. because that little voice doesn't believe you. you can't see the way my belly contorts and my boobs flatten when you're pressed up against me. you can't see the way my ass wrinkles when my leg is at that angle. you see my hideous face and nothing more while you're thrusting deep inside me...

that voice needs to stfu. i know this, but it's hard to ignore. that voice has been with me my whole life. i'm working on it. replacing that voice with a new voice. because the rest of me wants to believe him and see what he sees


  1. I am PROUD of you!

    My mid-section is also my trouble area. But its slowly been getting better (enough so that I was willing to take the pic at the top of my blog - a bit risque).

    What made the biggest difference for me was my mind set. Like you I was constantly focused on it and reminding myself to suck it in in public.

    I started telling myself that my body can take care of itself, my body listens to my brain, the fact I gain weight is because I think about gaining weight, and now I just think skinny skinny skinny.

    I think, therefore I am. But you can't have doubts!

  2. thanks :) i like that motto "i think, therefore i am". words to remember


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