mixing it up

so i spent a long weekend at J's to ring in the new year and celebrate our anniversary. one year of laughter, snuggles and awesome sex. i've resolved that 2011 will be full of more snuggles and more sammiches :)

i made out a to do list beforehand because i had 2.5 days between my family christmas trip and going to J's. i managed to get everything done only slightly behind schedule. 20 minutes after arriving, i realized i'd forgotten to pack a few essentials. at the precise moment my boy is telling me how much he wants to get me in bed, i remember my little bag of condoms is still at my place... two hours away. along with my lubes and wipes. guess i was in a bit of a hurry :p J doesn't really buy condoms; he never thinks about it apparently. so i'm usually the one who carries them. when i told this to N, he said "i believe it's the boy's job to have condoms" "do you carry condoms?" "(insert implied 'oh, honey') i'm a bottom" and there was much laughing. i love my bestie. luckily, there was a condom leftover from the last time i was there. not long after that, i was on my side, squealmoaning. being perpendicular to J was different and fantastic; he seemed to hit all new spots. i came hard and fast

after, we ate and watched a movie, which conveniently ended with just enough time to flip over for the ball drop. yay for kissing in the new year... and more movies. we watched the documentary about maynard james keenan's vineyard. or, really, J watched, and i dozed off. we headed to bed and another round of fun. new thing two: playing with my clit while J fingers me. i got right to my spot, and J thought it was super hot. turning him on turns me on so i gave him head after that. there was even a little tits + cock action. no, he didn't come on my chest... then it was bed time :) saturday, we hit up the BJ's to get stuff for dinner and condoms. unfortunately, they only carry trojan, which i hate. i'm a durex girl all the way. we swung by the grocery store who also didn't carry durex. i begrudgingly grabbed a 12 pack of the trojan lubricated. i had to pee, and didn't really want to waste time going to a third store. however, i'll be damned if i'm gonna buy the $2 more "for her pleasure" condoms. it's all LIES

we putzed and talked to his roomie, S, for a bit before making dinner. total schmoopfest, but making dinner together was my favorite part of the whole weekend. i also made delicious cupcakes while we watched donnie darko. it's the movie that brought us together in the first place. S left so i suggested a shower. of course, J amused himself by getting me off for a few minutes in the living room. then, because his shower wasn't quite big enough, he bent me over the bathroom sink. i seriously love getting nailed from behind. so glad the roomie went out so i could be as loud as i wanted ;) we still took a shower, but it was slightly less interesting just getting clean :p later i ended up passing out while watching tv, and J stayed up until the buttcrack of dawn

sunday, J made yummy french toast for breakfast, and we watched football all day. sundays are my favorite :) there is no fooling around during football; i like to yell at the tv. after the late game, i headed to bed assuming J would be right behind me. nope. he started watching sports center. then he got into a ridiculous conversation with S when he got home. apparently, some drunk chick tried to pick him up for a one night stand. he declined. J finally crawled into bed, but i was in the middle of stuffs. he went back out for a few minutes, and, by the time he was back, i was done. time to get naked again! i think it is so sexy when he undresses me, even if he fumbles with my strings and clasps. there was much making out, stripping and some anal play. it took all my willpower not to hop on his dick sans condom. first i was on top. then he was on top. thanks to the awful trojan condom, J had to stop before cumming. i blew him, and we snuggled. monday, i had planned to give him a wake up fuck, but i overslept. there was not enough time to wake him and get us both off before he had to leave for work. *shrug* i didn't need one last fuck; we'd been having great sex the entire rest of the weekend

in between all the playing around, there was more schmoop and ridiculousness. i got my snuggles and sammiches. i also got my reassurance that i wouldn't end up a leg lamp this year. i wish i could share our conversation, but the crazy comments were coming too fast. rapid fire ridiculousness is what i keep calling it. all i can say is: "i love that after a year together, we can joke about killing each other." me, too, honey. me, too :)

review: hypnotic

so, last week, i took a new toy for a spin





one word: AMAZING. best orgasm i've ever had with a toy i shit you not

when i saw it in the catalog, i was definitely intimidated. in my head, spiky bits equal hurty. luckily, NB had one in her mary poppins toy box. still a little scary in person, but my curiosity was definitely piqued. it helps that there was a little tiny nib for anal stimulation. figured it'd be worth trying since i'm still testing the anal waters. four months later, i actually put the hypnotic to use... what? i don't actually masturbate that often. i have a wishy-washy libido :p however, there's been entirely too much sexy banter lately between J and i to not take care of business

started off with my little bullet with it's fresh batteries. because i was originally only going for a quickie. those little vibrations on my clit are so delicious, but i really needed penetration. nothing gets me all the way home faster. so why not try a new toy when i was already prepped? less disappointment if it didn't work out so well :) so i pulled out the hypnotic and turned it on...

except nothing happened. then i remembered, there were no batteries in it. you aren't supposed to leave the batteries in when not in use. it can drain the batteries and potentially damage the toy. plus you never know when the ghosts in your house will start randomly fiddling with your vibrators. i'm a smart lady though, keeping my batteries in the toy drawer. so i popped four in (yep, four) and hit on again. i looove the gentle buzz from a toy. it's sorta calming... i went to insert, but found it a little difficult. i had a brief moment of panic that it wouldn't fit even though i've never had a sizing issue. nope, i just wasn't thinking clearly on account of my impending orgasms. turn off, insert slowly, turn back on... faaaantastic. this handy little toy has separate settings for vibration and rotation (6 each). i decide to try out the rotation since i've never had that option before

OH

MY

GOD

rotation is the greatest idea ever dreamed up. the hypnotic hit all my spots, and i had the greatest solo orgasms of my life. i've always loved my little butterfly, but it's been ousted as mayor of my vagina... the only negative is the anal nib. didn't really do much for me. again, i need penetration. another thing to note, the hypnotic is waterproof. this run was on dry land. not sure i'm ready to attempt another underwater excursion quite yet, but we'll see. come to think of it, i still haven't bothered with the diva since it's first outing. maybe next month...

review: divine diva

so i had my slumber party last week, and it was a ridiculous success. my friends spent almost $1000 on products and toys, which meant i got a shit ton of stuff at reduced rates. naturally, i restocked on a few items, picked up some new tasty creams and ordered a couple toys. normally, consultants try to keep stock on hand so that people aren't waiting for stuff. but again, my friends are ridiculous :) fortunately, one of the toys i wanted, NB still had




after an extremely stressful day in an extremely stressful week, i decided to take the seahorse for a spin. i was definitely excited to try out my first tub toy. some women's first experiences are in the bath/shower, but i've never gone there solo. i dropped in two batteries, and pressed the on button. it has five settings so i cycled through all of them, just to get an idea of what they were like beforehand. all interesting, but i like the steady pulse setting best. went to turn it off so i could finish my bath prep, but it wouldn't go off. i pressed the button a ton, with no luck. i finally had to unscrew the base to break the connection. strike one

i was doing a few other things while in the tub so i didn't immediately go to town. of course, i teased J about what i was going to be doing. i'm so mean ;) when i was finally ready, i slowly inserted and turned it on. clicked up the cycle to get to the pulsing, but it went from speed 1 to speed 2 to pulse 2 (varies the pulse intensity). uh no. off. tried again. it jumped straight to pulse 1. um ok. i was having mini-quakes within a few minutes. what can i say? i come quick and often; yes, i'm a lucky bitch :) i decided to switch back to the unpulsed vibration, which the diva did not like. it would not stick to the setting i wanted at all. and then, it cut itself off. uh what? i turned it back on, but it basically pulled a "battery low" move. gradually slowing and then shutting off. strike two

at that point i gave up and pulled out. i started to examine it and saw that there was water on the inside. wtf how did that happen? was that in there before? i thought you were waterproof? i unscrewed the base to find my batteries sitting in a tiny puddle. totally fantastic. i took the batteries out and dried them off, squeezed as much water out of the shaft as possible and left the whole thing on the sink counter to dry out. strike three

i did attempt to finish sans toy, but the bath water dried me out. ironic, no? i quickly lost interest in achieving a BIG O after that so i texted J until i fell asleep... i have yet to try the diva out on dry land. in this bedroom, three strikes is not quite enough so i will give it a shot at some point. if it still has problems, i'm not quite sure what i'll do. i haven't said anything to NB because i'm not sure she could do anything about it. sales being all final and such :P might do a little research on their site before contacting her. if my toy is defective, i've got my fingers crossed they have an exchange policy

some recommendations: check every detail before buying a toy (including returns/exchanges). if you choose something "waterproof", test it underwater before you use it. remember to put your toys away once their clean; you never know when the apartment's maintenance staff will need to inspect your room ;)

of strippers and teenagers

he wants me to strip for him

i wouldn't really object except i think it's not in my bag of tricks. sure i can dance. sure i can take my clothes off. not quite sure i can do both at the same time. so i imagine it'll be a little jamie lee curtis in true lies awkward. why? i don't think i'm sexy enough to strip. he would object (he play snapped at me cause i said my labia was fat), but i still hold to my belief. it takes a certain amount of skill to strip, and i was not gifted with that talent. i'd rather just take him to a strip club, and bone him after. that's the extent of my interest

and speaking of boning... i cannot wait to get my hands around him this weekend. every few months i'm like a 16 year old boy. i'm constantly horny, and he's 2 hours away. it doesn't help that he says the best dirty things. do you ever get so horny that just the weight of your own clothes could potentially cause you to orgasm? just adjusting the way i'm sitting sends little jolts through my body. most of the time, i can push it all back and go about my business. but there are those quiet moments that require all of my self restraint to avoid spending the rest of the day in bed with my little butterfly. i'm holding back at this point because i know how good this weekend is going to be. plus the first orgasm after a lull can be so intense. all i can say is it's excellent that his roommate will be gone (for her sake, not mine ;))

happy 4th, lovers

slumber party

a couple weeks ago, i attended a slumber party. not a "pillow fight, let's braid hair and talk about crushes until 4am" slumber party. a "sex toy, tingling lube and share handjob tips" slumber party

NB is a new consultant so she roped her roommate into hosting a party at their place. it was a very small group, which made things more interesting. i've been to a few parties in the past (hosted one), and there's usually far too many people to pass much around. so you don't get to touch, taste or smell as many products. on this occasion, we got to experience lots of everything. i still managed to avoid being the sole guinea pig to put something minty on my nipples or clitoris, while everyone else applies to the arm. but i did have to hold the cock between my legs while everyone threw rings at it like horseshoes. embarassing and hilarious... unfortunately, i'd just gotten a tattoo the day before so my funds were a bit low. i ended up getting toy cleaner, a book, sanitary wipes and lube*... and i booked a party :) not that i expect a ton of my friends to show up and buy stuff, but i think it'd be fun for everyone. who doesn't love giggling over blue dildos that stick to the wall? i might scope out the website a bit beforehand to decide on what i want. i already know i'm getting $10, which is a tiny bonus :)

if you've never been to a toy party before, you definitely should. they're always a hoot. grab some wine, some friends and remember to always test the merchandise

*anal-eaze. i'll let you put that together on your own