July 17, 2010

review: divine diva

so i had my slumber party last week, and it was a ridiculous success. my friends spent almost $1000 on products and toys, which meant i got a shit ton of stuff at reduced rates. naturally, i restocked on a few items, picked up some new tasty creams and ordered a couple toys. normally, consultants try to keep stock on hand so that people aren't waiting for stuff. but again, my friends are ridiculous :) fortunately, one of the toys i wanted, NB still had

divine diva

after an extremely stressful day in an extremely stressful week, i decided to take the seahorse for a spin. i was definitely excited to try out my first tub toy. some women's first experiences are in the bath/shower, but i've never gone there solo. i dropped in two batteries, and pressed the on button. it has five settings so i cycled through all of them, just to get an idea of what they were like beforehand. all interesting, but i like the steady pulse setting best. went to turn it off so i could finish my bath prep, but it wouldn't go off. i pressed the button a ton, with no luck. i finally had to unscrew the base to break the connection. strike one

i was doing a few other things while in the tub so i didn't immediately go to town. of course, i teased J about what i was going to be doing. i'm so mean ;) when i was finally ready, i slowly inserted and turned it on. clicked up the cycle to get to the pulsing, but it went from speed 1 to speed 2 to pulse 2 (varies the pulse intensity). uh no. off. tried again. it jumped straight to pulse 1. um ok. i was having mini-quakes within a few minutes. what can i say? i come quick and often; yes, i'm a lucky bitch :) i decided to switch back to the unpulsed vibration, which the diva did not like. it would not stick to the setting i wanted at all. and then, it cut itself off. uh what? i turned it back on, but it basically pulled a "battery low" move. gradually slowing and then shutting off. strike two

at that point i gave up and pulled out. i started to examine it and saw that there was water on the inside. wtf how did that happen? was that in there before? i thought you were waterproof? i unscrewed the base to find my batteries sitting in a tiny puddle. totally fantastic. i took the batteries out and dried them off, squeezed as much water out of the shaft as possible and left the whole thing on the sink counter to dry out. strike three

i did attempt to finish sans toy, but the bath water dried me out. ironic, no? i quickly lost interest in achieving a BIG O after that so i texted J until i fell asleep... i have yet to try the diva out on dry land. in this bedroom, three strikes is not quite enough so i will give it a shot at some point. if it still has problems, i'm not quite sure what i'll do. i haven't said anything to NB because i'm not sure she could do anything about it. sales being all final and such :P might do a little research on their site before contacting her. if my toy is defective, i've got my fingers crossed they have an exchange policy

some recommendations: check every detail before buying a toy (including returns/exchanges). if you choose something "waterproof", test it underwater before you use it. remember to put your toys away once their clean; you never know when the apartment's maintenance staff will need to inspect your room ;)

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